So that we assure absolute confidentiality for our members during our group meetings and individual consulting sessions, and because we are 100% committed to our members’ goals, only members attend Optimal Level programs. We would love to find out with you if you are a fit for Optimal Level. One of the Optimal Level Principals will learn a little more about you, your career or business, and about your interest in becoming an Optimal Level member. We will meet with you and discuss your goals, dreams, frustrations, and challenges. If you are a good fit for Optimal Level, we will then take steps to move you forward toward enrolling in one of our Optimal Level programs. To arrange an appointment with us, send an email to info@optimallevel.com or call (847) 419-9300.

For a long time, a major portion of my business was peer-mentoring, business coaching forums for women.  A few years ago, I organized and facilitated a focus group for men to get input about expanding these meetings to include men.  I so vividly recall a friend of mine, who was present at the gathering, advise me never again to get up in front of thirty men and say, “I am a feminist.”  His advice, I thought was quite sound.

Well, here I am stating loudly to a possibly larger online audience that I am a feminist! For one thing, that focus group turned out great and now we regularly work with male clients.  For another, although I realize that the word “feminist” can have a negative connotation; one dictionary defines the word as, ‘advocating social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of men.” I am fine with that meaning and am proud to hold those goals for women.

In light of that meaning, I have some thoughts about some recent gender issues that have created some headlines, articles and conversation:

The New York Times bestseller, Fifty Shades of Grey, by E. L.  James:  This current book about bondage and power has raised questions about, as a recent Newsweek article says, “…the curious case of the modern woman’s retro bedroom fantasy.”  Most of the explanation I have read and heard has been about ascendant women in the workplace seeking relief from demands on their time and energy.

I was once told by a psychologist that there is nothing wrong in fantasy as long as it is not acted out, and I agree with that point of view.  However, I do believe that a fantasy supposedly titillating great numbers of women with sexual submission or as Newsweek’s article put it, “the residual desire to be controlled or dominated in the romantic sphere” is a symptom of an underlying problem with the way our culture inculcates and complicates an image of women, in general, and those who choose to work outside the home.

I know that my age puts me in a category of a bygone generation of women fighting for certain rights, and therefore, my opinions on this matter, can be taken into consideration as somewhat out of place now.  Yet, I believe that women having a need to relinquish control can be better served than by reverting to being tied up and deriving pleasure from physical surrender.

The feelings pushing submissive fantasies are real.  The reaction is ill-chosen.  I am stymied by the general acceptance first that choosing domination is a perfectly logical reaction and the lack of reasoning that there may be better solutions.  There are far healthier ways to ease the burden of earning the paycheck, taking care of the kids, working crazy hours and all the other intense demands many working women experience. I hope to address many of those solutions in my upcoming book, “A Quick Guide to Corporate Success, A, B, C’s for Women in the Workplace, which my co-author and I expect to finish by next fall.

The “ill-advised statement” by Democratic consultant Hillary Rosen about Mitt Romney’s  wife not being  qualified to discuss the economy because she “hasn’t worked a day in her life.” Boy do we love brouhaha! What a lot of spitting saliva over a non-issue.   Rosen’s exact comment was, “His wife has actually never worked a day in her life.  She’s never really dealt with the kinds of economic issues that a majority of women in this country are facing.”

Rosen’s comments were in reaction to Romney’s campaign strategy to capture the women’s vote.  He was choosing to bring his wife to the forefront of his campaign to win over women voters.  If Romney wanted to have his wife serve the role of having women identify with Anne Romney because she was a women, it is well within reason to react by pointing out that her experience was not in line with the experience of real economic issues so many working women face.  No one said anything about raising children and choosing to stay at home being easy.  Rosen’s remarks were about economic issues not the debate between stay-at-home moms and working women.

I believe if women were more true to themselves and not compelled to meet the image of the perfect woman, mother, career icon, etc., they would be better at identifying their own wants and making choices accordingly. Of course, most women have economic reasons to choose to work outside the home.  For those who do not have financial matters persuading them to seek a job, they are blessed with the freedom to make that choice.  If women are comfortable with whom they are and the reflection of that choice to society, after evaluating their options, they have every right to feel good with their decision.

Mitt Romney’s campaign comments about the 92.3 percent of jobs lost under President Barack Obama being held by women: According to the editorial article in Saturday’s (4-21-12) Chicago Tribune, Romney’s team, “ ‘which has struggled to gain political support from women, said the administration ‘has done a tremendous amount of damage to American women in this economy.’”  The article goes on to point out that the recession began in 2008 during the administration of George W. Bush, and that depending on the type of industry,  losses occurred by sectors in which jobs were more likely to be held by men or women.

The actual statistics show men’s job losses at 75.5 percent and for women there was actually a small gain, from “48.8 percent of the nation’s jobs at the start of 2008 and [they] hold 49.3 percent of the nation’s job’s today.”

The Chicago Tribune cannot be easily categorized as one of those wacky liberal newspapers.  I completely agree with its point.  That is, “economic recovery – putting women and men back to work – is the No. 1 issues in the campaign.”  Trying to start gender wars is a silly waste of time and may accomplish a goal to get people worked up.  It will not help to find solutions to getting nearly 13 million men and women back to work

Recently, I was listening to a well-known radio show on WGN and the host, Milt Rosenberg, was interviewing three TV critics.  I was surprised to hear one of them state, without shame, that reality shows were her “guilty pleasure.”

I, too, without fear of being judged a lightweight, admit that I watch some of them.  In fact, I believe that these reality-based shows are a worthy study of human dynamics.  They have been around now for about twenty years, and clearly represent a microcosm of society.  People who dismiss these shows as garbage and nonsense miss out on some potent life lessons.

For one thing, it is so interesting to see people create bonds and learn from one another when it is likely that their paths would not have crossed had they not appeared on one of these shows together.  A great example of this was Tammy Faye Baker, an evangelist preacher and orthodox Christian and Ron Jeremy, a porn star, who became friends and helped one another on the show, A Surreal Life.

Another example of seemingly odd couples bonding and helping one another is Clay Aiken, the gay American Idol runner-up and bodybuilder-turned-actor Lou Ferrigno who was The Incredible Hulk on TV.  As teammates on Celebrity Apprentice, Clay Aiken came to Ferrigno’s defense and stood up to others in his support.

Shows such as Survivor and Big Brother often demonstrate human behavior.  Often people divide others by categories, such as looks, money, and education levels.  Cast members team up to vote out those appearing the weakest or outcasts using similar categories.  The other interesting observation is that at times those TV outcasts unite together and sometimes overthrow the powerful.

These shows are full of situations in which we can observe human behavior at its best and its worst on the basis of friendships, alliances, power struggles, office politics and more.  At times, viewers have decided that they do not like a certain celebrity.   Then after watching that celebrity on a show, the viewer comes to see that person as a real human being who shows great concern and care for others and changes her mind.  The lesson learned here is to not judge by stereotype or caricature.

There are even business lessons to be learned such as listen to feedback, things may get worse before they get better, and have a strategy.  There are actually questions of ethics to be considered such as whether or not it is okay to break an alliance because it is a game.

For those of you who cast a judgmental eye on those of us, who occasionally enjoy the guilty pleasure of a reality TV show or what some may call voyeurism, reconsider if you would like to be moved by real people and appreciate an experience of holding up a mirror to see how we might look to others watching us.

]]> http://optimallevel.com/blog/2012/04/watch-reality-shows/feed/ 0 http://optimallevel.com/blog/2012/03/march-2012/ http://optimallevel.com/blog/2012/03/march-2012/#comments Thu, 01 Mar 2012 21:44:59 +0000 admin http://optimallevel.com/blog/?p=2151 March, 2012

Many people who know me have become aware of my consistent hand tremor, which I have had since birth, and I believe is called an essential tremor; it never goes away. I have become comfortable believing that my tremor is associated with my high energy level. I also connected both of these physiological conditions with another personality trait of mine. I still can evoke a negative, unpleasant reaction at the thought of what I heard ad nauseam as a child and perhaps well into my thirties, “You’re too emotional!”

Oh, how I hated hearing that. The connotation was that being too emotional is bad and therefore, I often created thoughts and feelings that I should be ashamed of being that way.

For the longest time, I thought, “I can’t help it; that’s just the way I am.” In my mind, I was stricken with a condition and I had to bear it as if I were just born that way.

One day, I just got so sick of hearing it, that I made a decision. I would no longer be the person to whom others would say that. I studied myself, I studied others, I read, and did just about anything I could to change; I decided I could help it – and I did! That’s not to say that there were not occasional lapses; however, I haven’t heard that phrase said to me in over thirty years.

So many of my clients, family members, associates, and friends have often felt the same way; powerless against something they believed was inherent in them and that they couldn’t change.

I have also learned to change “who I am” in other ways too, once I make the decision to do so. I was happy to attribute my success in this regard as positive thinking, envisioning outcome, and so forth.

However, to further my interest in soaking up whatever I can in layman’s physics, I recently began reading a book by Lisa Randle, called “Knock on Heavens Door.” Randle is a theoretical physicist and a leading expert on particle physics, scale, and cosmology at Harvard. I read the first chapter of her book with great fascination because she debunks some popular thinking of the last couple of decades. She points to evidence, based on scientific range of scale, about Rhonda Byrne’s book “The Secret,” and her “Laws of Attraction.” Byrne has often related her concept of these laws to quantum physics. Randle says, “Quantum mechanics will certainly never account for Byrne’s “secret” about the so called principle of attraction between people and distant things or phenomena.”

Randle also relates a conversation she had with Mark Vicente, the director of the movie. “What the Bleep Do We Know!?” – a film that is the bane of scientists – in which people claim that human influence matters for experiments.  She says, “Mark ultimately concluded that what he had presented in his film is not science.”

She also states further that he realized that, “placing quantum mechanical phenomena at a human level was perhaps satisfying too many of his film viewer’s, but that didn’t make it right.”

Since I am more inclined toward scientific evidence than possible whimsy, I decided to abandon Byrne’s “Laws of Attraction,” which I had before thought possible. I started pondering a lot about one’s ability to change his or her behavior and outcome with the practice of thinking. I always believed that thought was important in leading behavior and could be enormously influential in a future one constructed for oneself. I just wasn’t sure about the explanation for why that is.

Thanks goodness I quickly came upon another book, “The Emotional Life of Your Brain,” by Richard J. Davidson, Ph.D, professor of psychology and psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Sharon Begley, senior health and science correspondent at Reuters. Davidson, contrary to scientific orthodoxy began experiments that eventually led to the understanding that “human emotion has now assumed as important a place in neuroscience as thinking,” reaching the conclusion that, “…the brain has a property called neuroplasticity, the ability to change its structure and function in significant ways.”

He explains that “changes to the neural structure of the brain are possible, “and that “some neurally inspired interventions – forms of mental training that target patterns of brain activity – can work. “ In other words, through practice, habits and emotional styles can be changed.

Aha – another explanation for why I can, indeed, help it! We all can change what appears at first to be just the way we are. Now with scientific evidence, we know that by using various techniques such as “well-being therapy” and “mindfulness meditation,” we can highly influence our behavior, and therefore the outcomes in our lives.

Knowing that empowers us!

So that we assure absolute confidentiality for our members during our group meetings and individual consulting sessions, and because we are 100% committed to our members’ goals, only members attend Optimal Level programs. We would love to find out with you if you are a fit for Optimal Level. One of the Optimal Level Principals will learn a little more about you, your career or business, and about your interest in becoming an Optimal Level member. We will meet with you and discuss your goals, dreams, frustrations, and challenges. If you are a good fit for Optimal Level, we will then take steps to move you forward toward enrolling in one of our Optimal Level programs. To arrange an appointment with us, send an email to info@optimallevel.com or call (847) 419-9300.

E-mails are okay, but not preferred.  If you do send email send something specific to that individual rather than some kind of group email.

Sending a note, a handwritten note, would be special letting a client or business associate know that you are thinking of them at this time.  Avoid anything too lovey-dovey and use your genuine feelings to craft a message.

You certainly can opt for a greeting card.  People are busy and pre-occupied bustling about taking care of business and their lives.  It is such a nice feeling to get a remembrance from a friendly vendor or service provider, a grateful client, or business associate.  It is also a pleasant surprise since most people do not send Valentine’s greetings for business relationships.  It will make you stand out and the recipient of your thoughtfulness will appreciate your gesture.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Most of my clients are successful, bright, accomplished business professionals. Yet, when I start working with them, their brains are foggy and they feel blocked and or hopeless. This week, a very successful woman with fifteen years of profitable business with about 50 employees was considering selling her business. She felt drained, confused, and even superfluous in her own business.

Once we talked for awhile, it was easy to see that she was oppressed by too many demands on her time. When we have too much to do, we usually begin to worry and we don’t sleep well. When we don’t sleep well, our brains cannot rejuvenate. This becomes a dangerous cycle and we start to turn into a jumbled mess.

When we are in this state, it is hard to get out of our own way and we need guidance. We actually need someone to psychologically grab our hands and lead us to some salvation. Our thinking is so cluttered that we become depressed and are unable to lead others or even take good care of ourselves. There is a system of behavior you can choose to help yourself.

The first step must be reaffirmation of your value, talents, and abilities. Make a list of everything you are proud you accomplished in your life. This list might include graduation for a course or school, raising a family, making a living, getting an award, successfully influencing another person or many people. You may feel at the moment that the list is short. Just keep thinking deeply about all you may be proud of being or doing. Before you go on, you must acknowledge your value.

The main remedy for this condition, after reaffirming how terrific your really are, is scheduled me-time and time to organize your life. That means you have to take up to one day a week to get you and things together. For the woman I mentioned earlier, I insisted on at least 5 hours a week. We divided it into 2 two-hour sessions during the week to work on harrowing business issues and strategic business planning. Then, one hour for time devoted strictly to soul and mind repair, which might include some activities such as meditation, yoga, coffee or tea with a friend, quiet walk, bike ride, massage, pedicure, etc. Once some of the pressing business issues begin to be solved, some of this same time can be used for organizing offices, homes and lives.

Many of you know my “me time” is watching previously recorded favorite TV shows – pure relaxation for me.

During the strategic planning time, emails and phone calls are restricted to only those necessary resources to solve the bristling issues. Employees, family, associates and such are not allowed to interrupt. This planning and solving time has to be some place away from distractions.

A second necessary step to improve this foggy condition, of course, is mind control. You must create a technique that signals dangerous, destructive thinking, such as, “I can’t do this”, “This is too hard” or “This will never work.” A cue to retract the negative thought and replace it with something far more helpful can be a deep, loud sigh, squeezing the eyes shut very tightly, a quick tug on the ear – anything that jars your consciousness into awareness that the thought you just had is totally counter-productive. Once the thought happens, bring up the cue, and change the thought to one that will support your purposes.

Remember, before making any decision about thoughts or actions; ask “Does this serve me?” If the answer is no, get rid of the thought or do not take that action.

Be sure to mark these me-times and organizing times in your calendar. Then, make a list of no more than ten issues or problems you want to solve during this time. Anything else goes into a “Later Box.” (We’ll talk about that very soon.) Just let these concerns pour out of you and write them down. During your hours of strategic planning, work on one of these enigmas at a time.

Make a real (not imaginary) “Later Box.” Get some kind of paper, metal, or ceramic box. Get index cards and place them next to the box. When anything pops into your mind that seems to be something beyond your ten allowed issues, write that new and different concern down on an index card and put it in your “Later Box.” Once you alleviate one of the ten allowed issues, feel free to dig into the box and add that issue to the list of one-at-a-time issues you deal with during your alone-time sessions.

These procedures, done with commitment, will clear up the fogginess. The result of that clarity will be very powerful, productive decisions that will take you from where you started to much closer to where you want to be. This isn’t a panacea, but you will be delighted with the end of the fogginess and a much more comfortable state of clarity with feelings that you do have the power and wherewithal to run your business or do your job well.